I Have The Watch
by Trindajae
Summary: Short poem from Trinity's POV and speaking to Neo


Title: I have the watch  
Author: Trindajae  
Email: YES PLEASE! Trindajae@yahoo.com  
Rating: G, or if you have a really dirty mind you can make it PG.  
Summary: Short poem from Trinity's POV and speaking to Neo  
Status: Complete  
  
Date: 11 July 2003  
Update: 12 Nov 2003  
  
I'm looking, searching seeking  
Trying to find my other half  
Something's missing, hurting  
A hole  
A family-shaped hole in my heart.  
It is an old wound.  
I can't remember a time when it wasn't there  
Like a splinter in my mind  
Driving me  
Not mad, but into despair.  
No hope  
Too late  
Too old to learn to love  
No chance I'll learn to trust  
To take down my walls and  
Stand down my defenses.  
  
The Oracle said it wasn't too late  
In fact, she said it was early.  
I didn't believe her.  
I don't believe her.  
I need logic, order  
Rules in the world.  
Psychic gifts fall outside those boundaries  
No one can see the future  
No one can give me that kind of hope.  
I won't begin to dream again  
Simply to watch my dreams fade away  
  
Or so I thought.  
  
Watching you, I feel myself start to fall  
I have never fallen before and  
I don't understand it now.  
I can't fall in love with anyone.  
I'm not that type of woman.  
I'm not the type to get all emotional  
I never cried at sappy movies  
Preferring explosions to chick flicks  
I do not baby-talk to puppies.  
  
Then you came.  
  
You didn't waltz in with flowers  
You didn't try to play Prince Charming  
You didn't even try to rescue  
The damsel in distress.  
In fact, you tried to hit me,  
I wasn't unhooking you fast enough.  
  
You treated me like an equal  
Perhaps even a superior  
Based on skill and not gender  
You acknowledged my competence  
And so I wasn't required to defend it.  
I was allowed to show weakness.  
  
When you died, my walls broke  
My hard-won defenses came crashing down  
The only thing of importance was you  
My need to keep you here with me  
My desire to no longer be alone  
You came back  
Kissed away the pain  
Promised with your lips that  
You would never leave me again.  
  
That night you stayed with me,  
Putting yourself between my back  
And the cold metal of the bulkhead.  
In your arms I felt safe,  
So excruciatingly safe.  
I had told myself that safety didn't matter  
That I was strong enough  
To take everything life threw at me,  
To take it all and never flinch.  
You told me with the pressure  
Of your arms against mine that  
You agreed.  
  
You agreed that I was strong,  
That I could suffer whatever I must,  
Overcome the obstacles between me  
And the completion of my mission.  
You told me that you knew I could,  
But that I didn't have to.  
  
I didn't know if I was strong enough  
To overcome my own defenses,  
To drop my walls long enough  
To let you in.  
But you believed,  
And I believed because of your belief.  
  
But I'm scared.  
I'm scared of losing control,  
Of the control I have already lost.  
No reins on my heart anymore,  
It's going where it wants to,  
I have no say in the matter.  
But when you touch my face  
You massage away the fear  
And wordlessly tell me it will be all right,  
That you would never try to hurt me.  
  
This feeling reminds me  
Of a time when I was small.  
My mother took me to a funeral,  
A soldier friend of hers had died.  
One of the speakers stood up,  
Young and handsome in his uniform.  
He spoke of duty, honor and  
The weight of responsibility,  
Responsibility for other lives.  
The speaker's words carried weight  
Sounded right in my five-year-old ears.  
He turned to the coffin covered in a flag and said,  
"Rest easy, friend. I have the watch."  
  
I have the watch for all humanity,  
All people everywhere and not just one nation.  
It is a heavy load  
One I never thought to have relief from  
Until you came.  
You came and said you had the watch  
You promised you would guard my sleep  
So that I wouldn't have to.  
I surprised myself by believing you.  
I laid my head on your shoulder and slept,  
Secure in the knowledge that you loved me.  
  
So here I will rest and drop my guard,  
Knowing full-well that I am not  
Undefended in my moment of weakness,  
That while my guard is down, yours is up.  
You have my back and you have my love  
Because you're willing to take the watch. 


End file.
